So last night's stitch n Bitch was a lot of fun.
There was lots of things to talk about. Seeing as here in Toronto there is some crazy stuff going on. The former Attorney General had an altercation with a cyclist ( I am not making a judgement either way on that one until the facts come out. I have heard a million different things & that makes it hard to fully decide what is right or wrong, or who did what to whom. The whole thing is just bizarre!).
There was also that same night, a wacko who after an altercation with a woman got on a bus & eventually pulled out a can of gasoline, poured it on the bus seats, then set it a blaze. It was captured on the TTC security camera in the bus. As weird as it was, who on earth just happens to carry a can of gasoline in their bag? Is it just for emergencies? I know I am often annoyed when I realise I left my gas can in my other bag. BIZARRE!
But those conversations weren't as much fun as the bad actors who win awards for bad performances.
We started a conversation about bad clothing issues. Sort of fashion police kind of stuff. I went on a rant about age appropriate jeans for my Mum, muffin tops, capped sleeves, Shorts on fat people ( I am a recovering fat person who wore shorts so I know of what I speak!), the disappointment of selection of plus sized clothes in the late eighties, early nineties when I could only go to one store & dress like my Bubby! The clothing list is endless. I was on the top of my game by the end of the night.
One of my friends even suggested that I go do stand up at Yuk Yuk's.
I think that I need to make a statement now. I was a walking fashion disaster. I still have my moments & am far from perfect. I don't want people who hear my rant who've known me to say " But you've had some fashion crap yourself. I remember when you wore long johns with boxer shorts out as your everyday wear." or " You complain that people wear pants where the underwear are showing, but you have been a victim of that!"
I know I have been a victim of fashion disasters! I hear you! I acknowledge & I am working towards repairing the damage. I do have a few things that I could say in my defence but I own that I have many many many times been a disaster!
As for me doing stand up, I think there are a few problems with that.
One is I am too happy about life to do it.
Two I am only funny when I am doing it unconsciously. If I think about it, its not funny.
Three - I don't have a shtick that stand-ups have. Be it gay, straight, Indian, black, white I just don't have anything. I suppose I could do fat single lady jokes. But people seem to be uncomfortable when heavy women make fat jokes. It's some taboo subject that I don't get. I am making fun of myself people. I know of what I speak. I am not being a mean girl. Please give me a break!
The other thing that would make it difficult about my identity is that I am Canadian. My parents are both from Toronto. They each have a parent that grew up in Toronto. Although I am half Jewish, it is the wrong half. My Dad is Jewish not my Mum. Although most of my non-Jewish friends refer to me as their Jewish friend, the actual Jewish friends I have tell me I'm not Jewish (for the record I say I take after my Dad's (Jewish) side of the family, but I am not really Jewish!).
So if I were to do stand-up, being Canadian, I couldn't do anything interesting because we as Canadians are too PC. They don't want to offend anyone by saying anything slightly wrong.
There goes my stand-up career.
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